I feel like if my life is breaking apart?

First of all, fourteen is a very hard age. You are not always going to feel this way. It gets better. Really. It does. Secondly, you are not stupid. I just read your thoughts and I can tell you are not stupid. You might be confused and feeling a lot of pressure, but you are not stupid. You probably need to consider some different friends. They are the source of much of your confusion and the pressure. It is VERY HARD to be with friends that are into smoking and drugs when you are too smart for that. So, find some new friends. Look around you. Pay attention and watch people. Decide who you want to be friends with. Consider a new hobby. Find something to do that makes you feel awesome about who you are. Thirdly, your parents love you very, very much. I know. That sounds so lame. But they are willing to make great sacrifices for you and not everyone has that. Try to talk to them. Tell them what you're going through. Learn some breathing exercises. Give yourself a break. You're going to be ok. Really. It gets better, just hang in there. : )